Reflections on Carlos Casteneda

Don Juan says that the human being is divided in two.

The right side, the tonal, encompasses everything the intellect can conceive of - the state of normal awareness where the first attention prevails -

The left side, the nagual, is the realm of indescribable features - a realm impossible to contain in words and is comprehended by the total body - thus its resistance to conceptualisation ... experienced as heightened awareness - the site of the second attention - where one can grasp the meaning of things with precision and directness.

The task of remembering is the task of joining our two sides, of reconciling these two distinct forms of perception into a unified whole. It is the task of consolidating oneself by arranging intensity into a linear sequence.

As a child I had incredible faculty for remembering due to an intense level of awareness that could use the whole body to record life as it went along. Recall moments of experience as a baby - remember being fully aware in a babies body - and the desperation that came with an inability to communicate this awareness.

Could replay conversations, or details of events, both visually and audibly at will - just like replaying a movie.

Dreaming felt like another existence - another movie - where I could will myself to dream whatsoever I focused on - had the necessary attention to direct those dreams...

Would experience De-ja-vu a lot - knowing what the person was going to say next and what my response to that was going to be...

Was able to grasp concepts in an instant - Everything came easily to me- There was something in me that just knew how to do things- whatever I chose to...

Remember - about age six- the moment I realised that I just new how to read...

Felt an incredible sense of power in this body and at times felt like there was nothing that this body could not do.

Had a burning desire to know the Truth...to learn, to grow into awareness.

As a child had absolute Faith in the innate power to create - limitlessly.

Somehow that faith has been covered over by limiting beliefs and find myself on the journey back home - to the totality of oneself - JOY